voila!

aalooo from lille in france! finally got internet working in the hotel room!! bon tres bon!

…woke up this sunday morning n found myself taking the elevator down to the entre sol…but to my horror twas closed! Boing! It’s the weekend!! And NO ONE works!!!

Last night, after a long hard day, party-ed hard at this electro-music fest n was looking forward to the frugal breakfast fare provided by this modest hotel (a service apt really). But c’est la vie, back in my room, juice n dahi n banana will do just fine ☺

Switched on kumar gandharva…felt some dirt under my soft clean feet (I’ve been in shoes all week!)…damn! They haven’t cleaned my room…no problemo…mopped the place in 10mins, did the dishes n suddenly felt I had been living here for months!

Not being here as a tourist changes the complexion of your experience. No pressure to “see” “places”…you just stumble upon them as you walk around town – from hotel to the lille3000 office to the palais rihour (the site of the installation) n back…and you interact with the locals in a more in-depth manner, relaxed, at length, in varying situations – at work, in a bar, over lunch, at this music fest…

Its been a wonderful first week! Made even better by the fact that we aren’t shooting today. Last evening, we finished the first n most complicated of our shoots n I am so glad for that. 5 to go!! But such tripe being paraded as video art but that’s another story for another time….

Au contraire, the video installations I saw at this electro-music fest, were simply mind blowing. Some of them…their understanding of the medium, use of technology n attention to detail n great sound design make it such a treat to experience. N their staging - immaculate…non of these laboured self indulgent obvious statements about war or terror or…

The weather’s been great…even warm for me some days…actually perspired profusely!! But the sun in these latitudes…o man…does this magical demi-circle around the horizon, crisp n golden yet never contrasty. But they say it will get colder soon n I’m looking forward to it. Haven’t worn even one of my full sleeve “winter” stuff I am carrying! It’s cloudy this morning n was v foggy the day I arrived…

Lille…hadn’t heard of it before nor had I spotted it on the map…kinda hangs in there half-way between london n paris…trying hard to capture its own place in the sun. they wanna make it the cultural capital of Europe n “bombaysers de lille3000” is a way of getting there…a 3month extravaganza celebrating Bombay…art, music, dance, film, literature n bollywood!! The Bombay mafia is taking over Europe!! Next Thursday, another 2year long exhibition on Bombay opens in amsterdam…n I am going there! My music video debut happened for this children’s museum - Troppen Jr. Am most excited that I will be there for the opening. Tres bon!

Ah but so many femmes fatales but such little time!! Lille is also a big university town, so lots of pyt’s around…n how much they smoke!! O another thing…hadn’t seen so many pregnant women when I was in these parts last summer. But my fav is laura – Spanish, lives with her boyfriend at the very top of these old world 2-storied houses - all wooden with a piano in the attic even! She’s been plying me with music to dump into my ipod. Charlotte – this freckled blonde I danced with last night, a pol science student so we have these animated conversations about globalisation, Americana, racial tensions, even office politics!! Chin-pierced doe-eyed Elaine – the youngest of them all n single ;) n a cutie! She rolled me my first French ciggie!...i use her comp to email at the office. And there’s Flora – this big, Indian-accented very talkative thing…just so excited that she’s going to be marrying this rajput boyfriend in delhi this dec. she taking us out to the Sunday market tomorrow. And Justin, this petite, quintessential French girl you’d seen in French cinema, anything but demure, she handles production like a veteran but all of 26. Age is a big thing….how old are you? Guessing games et al…good fun!! Needles to say, I AM old as opposed to Elaine who said to me “I am young”!! sigh…..and there’s Christina – a huge strapping Austrian who is my gaffer, grip n girl Friday all rolled into one! She’s sweet but won’t take risks which is painful when one is doing experimental stuff like this.

pm

went to a park nearby to walk some green…discovered chestnut trees…tres vieux n grande…bon soir! Sipping some cheap but v nice vino tinto listening to massive attack …biding my time before we go back to “tripostal” for the electro music fest. Tripostal used to be the old main post office n the postal authorities have handed it over to the city as a public space…3floors of video installations n live djs mixing some heavy grooves. Tres chique n very underground…


been thinking about sound installations…n my love for sound/audio…will pursue it n see where it takes me…god these ibook speakers suck!

yesterday!
Loong day today, just got back n its almost 1130pm when the rest of India sleeps! Had my first joint today – that too at our location – did justice to its 1453 vintage I think ;) I go to Amsterdam day after n then to see my dad’s brother in Germany. Went to book my train tics…n most astonishingly, they couldn’t book my amst – cologne tic!! Irctc!! Where are you??

The Sunday market was ok types – mostly clothes. But had some soooper Algerian food, preceeded by some flaameesh (don’t know the Flemish spelling) which is a cross betw a pizza n quiche. But most importantly, made by one of the few surviving makers of this regional speciality!! Felt privileged….the Algerian tangine n coucous was sumptuous n v meaty…felt like a buffalo after…mercifully we walked back. That’s the lovely-est thing abt lille…..entirely walkable. They’re just beginning to get their bicycle lanes…o nice beer buzz!...g’nite!!...

bleah!

...don't seem like anyone's reading my blog anymore..which is not so much fun...or reading maybe, but not inspired enough to post a comment ;)

but i've been enjoying writing...though have been less regular lately...maybe that's why you've given up on me!!

the last 2 weeks have been drowned in passport renewal woes...between me refusing to bribe em cops to hasten my police verification and ganpati, i lost a good 14days which is huge considering i need to leave for france on saturday night!!

it is all quite "brazil"...the innards of this system...hajjjaar files, hunched-over-table clerks, ancient ceiling fans which creak more than cool...and the ubiquitous middle-man who's willing to get you even the moon, for a price of course! from desk to desk, office to office, buliding to building...it churns...n i was just collateral damage.

from cop staion to the head office in town and back to passport office...became like a daily darshan...but no prasadam only :(

my passport is "on the way"!! speed post...god speed! n then onto the visa chakkar...there must be another way! saturday night departure slowly fading...

teacher's day

...for the first time in these 12 years, my students invited me for teacher's day celebrations at the sophiya polytechnic. mortified at the thought, i declined!...but to my utter suprise, they asked me to wind up class 5min before time...completely perplexed i obliged...only to find one of them amble to the front guitar in hand, perch herself on the table while the rest rustled out some pages n suddenly the whole class broke into song !! carefuly composed, they had a verse for each teacher...most touching...if last year, they'd count the number of times i'd say ya, this year they're tripping on my maaney...

bigger is better!

...there's this dubai-returned friend, chandu...one lazy rainy morning on I-day he brought along his lcd projector...and our monthly screenings at home have never been the same! widescreen @ 2000lumens from 15ft away is such a trip! i mean, actually moving your head to follow a character as he walks from left to right...at home!! television is just another piece of furniture!!

we watched capote that day...n tonight we watched george clooney's goodnight, and goodluck. very taut film with a fantastic performance by david strathairn as edward murrow - the cbs reporter who challanged n exposed mc carthy - the commie bashing jr senator.stark b/w photography intercut with actual newsreel footage of mc carthy. tho' based on a period in the 1950's, the fim's relevance only increases when viewed against the pathetic news television scene in india these days. clooney is such a dude...stands apart from the hollywood morass...

must show it to my students!

absolut-ly smashed!

i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again
i will not drink again i will not drink again
i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again i will not drink again ...sorry muks shooreysh c!

land ahoy!

Finally! a place of our own in Goa…to relax, unwind, recharge! It’s been a dream I have been pursuing for some time now…a piece of land to start a multi-media resource centre for children in Goa.

After months and countless trips, I found this place in Verna in S Goa…tucked away from the Panjim-Margao highway (3km in)…an acre on a hillslope facing the west, full of cashew trees n wild berries n birdsongs…and some black-faced langurs!

From this GoogleEarth pic, you can see that the sea is a mere 8km away... It is 5min from Verna Stn, 10min from Margao, 20min from the airport and 30min from Panjim!!

Just the land … for now!…will build there slowly over the next 1-2 years and eventually move there, live there. Goa, like the rest of India is changing at a frighteningly rapid pace…so, the earlier we go there the better ;)

It wasn’t easy…actually quite harrowing the whole experience…we (there’s 2 others who’ve bought an acre each) decided not to go through a lawyer/advocate and not pay any bribe. Our Sale Deed was rejected twice on technical grounds and we lost a lot of sleep, hair and several thousands on Stamp Paper…the third time round, our spirits broke, we approached an advocate (who knew the Registrar) and it went through…some very expensive price of learning this!!

No sense of elation or joy or achievement…just exhaustion n relief…but now, two days later, the enormity of it all and the happiness is slowly sinking in...

Paro's film premier! Come!!

PLEASE DO COME TO THE FIRST PUBLIC SCREENING of

Q2P
LOOK AT THE TOILET
SEE THE CITY
(55 min, DV, English, Hindi)


Director: PAROMITA VOHRA Producer: PUKAR Camera: AJAY NORONHA Editing: JABEEN MERCHANT Sound: ANITA KUSHWAHA, SAMINA MISHRA Animation: SHILPA RANADE Music: TARUN SHAHANI, NIRAV GANDHI

WHEN: August 18, Friday, 6.30 pm
WHERE: NCPA, Little Theatre

ABOUT THE FILM

Q2P PEERS THROUGH THE DREAM OF A FUTURISTIC MUMBAI AND FINDS….PUBLIC TOILETS…..NOT ENOUGH OF THEM……

Q2P is a film about toilets and the city. It sifts through the dream of Mumbai as a
future Shanghai and searches for public toilets, watching who has to queue to pee. As the film observes who has access to toilets and who doesn’t, we begin to also see the imagination of gender that underlies the city’s shape, the constantly shifting boundaries between public and private space; we learn of small acts of survival that people in the city’s bottom half cobble together and quixotic ideas of social change that thrive with mixed results; we hear the silence that surrounds toilets and sense how similar it is to the silence that surrounds inequality. The toilet becomes a riddle with many answers and some of those answers are questions – about gender, about class, about caste and most of all about space, urban development and the twisted myth of the global metropolis.

ABOUT THE DIRECTOR
Paromita Vohra is a filmmaker and writer. Her films as director include Where’s Sandra, Work In Progress, Cosmopolis: Two Tales of A City, Unlimited Girls, A Short Film About Time, A Woman’s Place and Annapurna: Goddess of Food.Her films as writer include the feature Khamosh Pani, and the documentaries A Few Things I Know About Her and If You Pause: In A Museum of Craft and Skin Deep. She teaches scriptwriting as visiting faculty at the Sophia Polytechnic and is a PUKAR associate.

ttuunnellss

...train to cape comorin...my longest train journey ever! a scheduled 42hr ride, so help me god, ipod, scrabble, kiterunner, dominoes...n some neat arrak! (no not desi daaru, but some anniseed liquere).

as a kid, on the monthly visits to lonavala to see jim n anil, we'd take the train...and i'd wait impatiently for karjat - for those yumm vadas and watch another two diesel engines being attached to the back of the train to help her up the ghats...my fav-est section...tunnels...in n out and in n out. i'd scream over the reverberant screeching of the train as it laboured up...almost as if the tunnel would've eaten me up if i didn't hear myself!

...so many lifetimes later, i settle down to that familiar spot at the door, ibrahim ferrer filling my ears as i recklessly shoot pics on my 2bit digicam...only to delete most of them. is this what wender's mourned the loss of? the sacredness of an image!

tunnels reccur...in life as well...at times it is so dark and all you can hear is the pounding of your heart...other times, there's that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, just that it doesn't seem to come closer..its there...making me impatient...

tunnels, i've decided will be the leit motif in my film about my dad. my goa film ended with a tunnel. some people liked that...42 hours with 3other people and 4windows! johari windows...how much you n i know about me...

burrowing tunnels in these wndows...more like wormholes that will open up my painful past or accelerate me to a future i cannot fathom. it's been just 2hrs40min since we left dadar stn!!

"rainy days n mondays always get me down"

heard of the carpenters? one rondhdoo whiny band...they sang that song!

seems like i've lost the momentum, the inclination to write...but then there was so much i had wanted to write...so much has happened...feels kinda lost, not knowing where to begin...

as i write, its pissing down so hard i can barely see beyond my window. boy! ain't i glad i'm home n not navigating this fucked-beyond-repair city. was to do a lil shoot this evening and there's no way we can... wish it would rain so hard that these bete-noirs of mine would disappear...there's a high court stay on them for violating environment norms n blocking me view ;)

some of my students and operative cameramen friends have discovered my blog!! how scary!! speaking of which, i shed my usual begining-of-year inhibitions and went back to sophiya's with renewed enthu, back to 40 twenty-nothings, back to stir up my early morns...and how contento i was! a nice mixed bag they are, a fair amount with a couple of years work or post grad...a lot more responsive than i had expected...came out smiling!

o and last night, finally watched omkara...this angrez ka aulaad missed all those throaty guttaral expletives (while the fullhouse guffawed)...will have to wait for that english subtitled dvd!! the film paled for me in comparasion with maqbool...a far tighter script and better performances that was. but yes, happy to see a house full for a not-so-bollywood film. am tired of ajay devgun's sameness...and thought that kareena just didn't fit and bips baby was just atrocious! most suprised n very pleasantly so, to see konkana perform so well. saif, so much has been said about his role n look. such a daring dude!...but net-net, the film "didn't get under one's skin" as c! said, as we escalated down...

on the other hand, almodovar's all about my mother was just brilliant! he must be 99% woman!...rivetting script and such controlled understated performances, fab music and fantastic camerawork (which would completely unexpectedly move to a subjective pov)...men are close to neutered out in this world of women...the more i think about it, the more i'm drawn to feature film cinematography...someday...somehow...

meanwhile, i keep turning down television work much to my boys' discontent . not that my plate's full. not at all...just can't bear the thought of another song-dance show...will wait for koffee to come back later this year. or do a show for discovery only because i haven't worked for them ever!! not too much travel, mostly in studio anchor-link kinda boring shoot. sighhhhh...

and in a record of sorts, the last docu i shot for is ready already! the director, even before discussing the shoot, dates n budget with the crew, knew she'd shoot 10hrs to make a 15min film!!!...and guess what?? we did just that! its turned out like it was meant to be - glossy corporate-y half-truths with some awful music...but my handheld sucks :( but if jabeen didn't shout at me, i guess the footage was largely ok!!

but it's over n out with loud aggro insecure bong women...

its back! i'm back!!

yaay! god its been ages!...and i've been to kanyakumari, villupuram and ahmedabad...and there have been those awful serial train blasts...that made these blogs drop outta sight for a bit...

but yes, i can say, i did miss writing...got quizzed the quintessential blogger question - so just why do you write and for whom??...bugger them!! we'll just keep writing as n when we feel like and whoever wants to can dip in n out...

but right now i'm tired...tired that c! ain't home n away in chennai on a shoot. tired of our hide-n-seek...wonder how radha n gopa (our friends in dubai) are so at peace with their own away lives...worse, shooting tensions get amplified when one is away n tend to disrupt normal lines of communication...that's when you want to slam that handset into the ground when the line drops...buddha ain't smiling no more...and me is sad...

whatthefuckk!

...can't seemto connect to my blog for days now...so much happened so much to write about....godcursed!

NG NGO's

Been some time since i last wrote...inordinately long, i'd say! kinda brooding and uninspired to write. then, one phone call changed all that...a docu shoot on microfinance n women to be shot outside pune, kankyakumari n outside ahmdabad over 25 days in july! i jumped to it...

i don't want to write about insecure clueless loud bong women just yet...the villages we went to in the fertile plateau betw pune n nashik were a treat in the rains. all green n bountiful, bursting with grape, tomato, groundnut, pomegranate, sugarcane, bajra, rice, cucumber, mango...where it wasn't green, the dark gray basalt spewed swollen frothy streams into a hundred waterfalls...and to complete the bliss, this misty cool fog and rain....aaaah it was good to be away from bombay, away from cities where the people are so generous and inviting.

but consistently marring this idyll, was this ngo - chaitnaya - their field level workers definitley didn't share a rapport we had expected. worse, they'd lead us to a "case study" only for us to discover that she ain't there or that she's not been "doing" the "activity" they claimed she'd taken a loan from the self-help group for. on day two after four such "cases", we lost it! this was one big scam n we've been taken for one long ride! that night, suresh - the recordist n i drank even more in despair n frustration n anger.

but then we wondered....was the problem with them or our director n her communication with them about what she wanted and expected from this shoot...i mean, she was/is clueless about what she wants and don't even bother about the how!!

day three wiped out the memories of the previous two days. i even got some wonderful looking interview frames in this very overcast directional soft slow fall-out light coming in from doors n windows...and the colours indoors!! pink walls, blue door frames and a green saree...no pics unfortunately...it seems like, in shoots like these, you get only enough time to shoot in the best light and all the best moments, but never enough to take some stills...to post on blogs like these ;)

fifteen years after i quit cry and the whole developmental field, i find little had changed...they speak the same thakela jargon n sing the same thakela songs..and if one more person breaks into hum hongey kamayab, i'm gonna smash their face!!...at night, pondering over the day, a dawning!...when you get funded in rupees, you call it bacchat gatts (saving groups) and when your funds pour in in dollars, you call it microfinancing!! so much money to be had ....to be made...

the corporate sector, the mainstream suddenly seemed so much more honest with no pretensions and baggage - Amen!

once upon a rice field...

it probably is the proverbial begining of the end...of rice fields i mean... and eventually goa. was there most of this week and was really looking foward to my fav monsoon sight - of lush green rice fields swathing either side of the road. but imagine my horror at seeing long stretches of fresh red mud dumped in line in a way to block the natural flow of water!...which will eventually render them uncultivatable.

i mean, now just how profitable is it really to grow rice, when you could get real rich real quick by selling it to the land sharks?! caranzalem already looks like bombay with all its horrors. and to hasten the mushrooming, sahara has bought several thousand acres (all rice fields needles to say) of whatever is left of taleigaon!

sad, upset, angry...

i guess we'll grow up to pop some synthesized pill which would give us all the malt, sugar, milk n cocoa n more we need...burp! yuk!!

footboobs n swollen eyes!

o those brazilians!...i mean, now who on earth would've conjured this up?? this was in porto allegre a year n half ago...right there in the middle of a maidan, dwarfing us lesser mortals as we collectively attempted making another world possible ;)

this image came to mind late last night as brazil beat croatia sending those bronzed bombshells into a frenzy. not that they played too well, rather disappointing in their finishing. in fact, wished croatia had put in a couple at least to test those bloody self-assured brazilians. tho' the referee it was, who provided the action. the numbskull russian flashed yellow cards like there was no tomorrow!

france was worse! the most lacklustre (for want of a better word) performance yet since the cup began... thiery played like he didn't really want to score and zidane, a fast fading shadow.

read with much amusement this article about football widows...thought about what a lot of women must be going off to sleep...alone...for a whole month! poor things! don't know what they're missing!! ouch, my eyes hurt as i write this...all red n swollen n bleary!

mum's 70th!

june 1959 was tumultuous...mum had just got her BEd results...she had passed! and, as if to celebrate, she announces to her parents that she's going to marry joe - capping a 6year courtship despite severe objections from her parents. that he was 12 years older...that he wasn't a brahmin...and that he was an alcoholic!

all this and more, i am getting to know, as i plod my weary way trying to piece together his life story on videotape...

some old friends i spoke with recalled how marie stood by joe through all the objections and adversities and how they really loved each other. she was 23 and he 35 when they married in bombay on june 8th - her birthday. her older sister - anne gave me this fabulous photograph late last year along with a whole bunch...my mum, she had burnt the old b/w family album some time after my dad had died...

through the fish-eyed lens of tear stained eyes
i can barely define the shape of this moment in time
far from flying high in clear blue skies
i come spiralling down
to the hole in the ground where i hide.

memories n tears welled aplenty day before night, as old friends and family gathered to toast mum on her 70th birthday...and to celebrate her joys having overcome half her life without dad. her oldest friend - aunty celine set the mood early that evening...it had been 49 (!) years of knowing mum and "her ups and downs". as elegant as ever, she raised the toast as mum's face went from pensive to ecstatic. anil's recollection of mum's resolve to ensure that there'd always be jam n butter at the table, brought several lumps to several throats.

and me? i didn't talk...nor shoot...felt miserable about being so hopelessly stuck. just watched what sudheer had shot that evening...simply wonderful... am glad i didn't shoot... dying maybe i...if not already dead!

the balcony at silver valley

luckily for me, these guys were on my side...i smiled with them heaving a huge sigh of relief. inside, mum stay put, not yeilding...isolated...filling our compact lil studio apartment with uneasy silence and gloom. how could i want to marry a "non-catholic"? how could i, her most-understanding son, betray her??

the balcony opened out more than just my head those long dark n sullen nights...

the moody blues got it right!

Breathe deep the gathering gloom

Watch lights fade from every room

Bedsitter people look back and lament

Another day's useless energy spent.

Impassioned lovers wrestle as one,

Lonely man cries for love and has none.

New mother picks up and suckles her son,

Senior citizens wish they were young.

Cold hearted orb that rules the night,

Removes the colors from our sight.

Red is grey and yellow white,

But we decide which is right.

And which is an illusion?

the calm before...(remains of a clan)

on the far left - mama noronha, then my older brother - jimmy, then the best sister in the whole world - mira aka baby and next my other brother - anil...several monsoons ago, i broke it to them that i was going to be marrying sarada. my mom dug in her heels in the red corner, very upset n sulking...the tension peaking and i go click!

some stray thoughts on a saturday morn

...like...what an amazingly huge turnout for madhushree's magnum opus film on bombay last evening! yb chavan packed, even the balcony...and then to top it all, shyam shroff publicly announces that yes he is going to distribute the film!! applause!...so we party-ed even harder after that!

watching it for the second time, i enjoyed the film more. by now, i had read about manto and ismat chugtai's association with the city and therefore could access those portions of the film better. the ernormity of the canvas overwhelms...works in parts...remains fragmented. had to fight with my own need of unity and conclusion. the more i see a 4:3 image the stronger my resolve to go widescreen the next shoot i do.

...like...meenaka is back home after a successful surgery. the docs did one of those small aperture operations via cam. so smaller the opening faster the healing. which is good! relief all around. but it'll be sometime before she gets back on her feet and even longer till she comes to visit us again here in bombay...but i'll be waiting!

...like...how warped these tv news channels are... white powder suspected to be cocaine flushed down with champagne by the mahajan kin was all breaking news on all the channels ALL day! so what if bombay went down underwater with the first burst of monsoons...tamely toeing the govt line, they were. none pegging responsibilty, no one demanding action...on whose side are they? whom do we have?

...like...jabeen's wonderful tribute(in time out) to renu saluja - the now legendary film editor. she should write more often! go read it!

...like...delhi-bom being a local call... at 1buck20 for 3mins!! incredible! someone somewhere is stirring up a quiet revolution...murasoli maran - good man! couldn't have come at a better time for me. i've been calling delhi like 10 times a day!! hmm ok 5!

...like...finally got a couple of calls for some work. let's see...been home stuffing my fat face fearing i'll get fatter n more unfit...will spare you with more ;)

meeka surgery

it's been some time i've written...just as we'd gotten used to enjoying c!'s parents here and they'd settled down to a comfortable routine, a really awful freak accident screwed all that...

last thursday early morn, meenaka fell n broke her femur above her left knee. so many thoughts race thru my head just now...unable to think n write coherently...she's just being wheeled into ot, even as i write, for a surgery to fix the fracture which will involve nuts n screws.

with her history of high bp n diabetes, the ortho surgeon here suggested we fly her back to delhi, where c!'s doctor sister would have comprehensive medical support standing by just in case things became precarious. so she flew to delhi on saturday in a stretcher right thru (which is another long story).

the bad part was her sugar wouldn't come down n so no operation. mercifully with a change in medication, it came down yesterday and she can be operated upon. everyone's quite tense esp appa, for whom meenaka is his lifeline...we're all now hoping n praying that the op will be successful and that her post-op will be smooth n that she recovers soon...and you pls pray too...