i am the dam

...the tallest, biggest dam in the world...holding back an enormous reservoir of water. pristine n placid full of the most beautiful fish n plant life. a giant lake you'd want to go boating on amidst the verdant valley that surrounds me.

i am suddenly also the water that had submerged vast swathes of thick rainforest and even snuffed out entire villages and scores of people. it is dark n murky down here, i thrash about to get out...that's when the dam bursts n i surge over. rumbling down those immense high walls with such force that i am this white frothing bubbly...powering up turbines and filling up hundreds of canals.

these canals fan out through parched dry cracked brown earth and as i flow through, a carpet of lush green keeps sprouting...greeen endless green...

yoga music film!

...i might as give up this blog, i remind myself each time i don't feel like writing...but then sometimes it all comes together...like this tuesday morning when the day ahead beckons brimming with energy!...
it's been over a month now of yoga n i never thought i'd last :) but it is such a good achy feeling after an hour of being put thru the blender!...so what if i still don't know the names of the asanas jawahar sir puts us thru...so what if my toes still don't touch the ground (let alone the entire palms!)...but man, yoga certainly reaches parts that other beers don't :) "your kidneys are coming in the way", he screams at me, eyes locked like heat-seeking missiles...fuck that hurt...never imagined i'd feel so hungry after.

last week, i began attending a weekly western classical music appreciation workshop at ncpa. riding high on beethoven's ninth, i signed up...who'd have imagined that the little theatre would be spilling over with young n old enthusiasts...i mean, they clocked a hundred n thirty participants! all surrendering to zane dalal's bewitching sweep of a thousand years of history...brilliantly presented with perfect references to the architecture of each age to illustrate music...they even pulled out two pairs of high-end speakers for the workshop! now to arrange my aunt's record collection composer-wise n go thru them one by one...hmmm perhaps even start a western classical lp listening club...say?!

and then there are films!...mami - never mind the acronym, slated to be better than usual with mostly 2009 releases at fun republic in andheri...what hits you at first is the complete corporatisation of film festivals. it's all about marketing n sheer visibility of the sponsors. in this case 'reliance'...we're still willynilly contributing to 'papa's sapna' ;) so what if the projection sucks, so what if they don't provide drinking water, so what if improper earthing makes ear-splitting crackle n so what if wannabe rj's are thrust upon us...you grin n bear it n hope to catch at least a couple of really good films...so far, winterbottom's 'genova' and soderberg's 'the girlfriend experience' have been good...

jullllly she will fllly!...

give no warning to her flight...
so many things happening n me just not feeling like writing...the rains they finally happened n me was ready with clear acrylic sheets that kept the rain out but not the fab view...something i'd been wanting to do for years!...chai n bhajias by the window IN the rain :)
am back to class again!...every year i go thru the motions that this is my last year at sophia's but then i go back to another enthusiastic lot, feel all charged up, etc...this year the majlis bmm project also gets off the ground. five bmm students each from five courses get to make a short film around the 'cinema-city' theme. lots of work n tons of excitement!
a quick dash to goa to figure progress of permission to construct...but then, goa is goa...even a snail is faster ;) but the train to n back was awash with green n swollen waterfalls...just the time of year to travel...haven't been on a monsoon trek in years :(
my first ride over the bandra-worli sealink was long overdue...our first attempt ended with a hasty about turn after being stuck in bumper to bumper freebies!...but it is quite a trip! esp how the landmass over shivaji park gets silhouetted by the dancing flames of the refineries further east! the view itself marred by the high barricades that deny a view of the sea. bleah!

...and the first screening with my new projector!...'waltz with bashir' - a film i had seen before, after coming back from my israel palestine trip. brilliantly executed but with some seriously flawed n problematic politics...an animated docu! now that was a first! brilliant but disturbing...however hard we try we can never wash away guilt...it seems...

this time last year i was at camp in maine having the time of my life by the lake pleasant...i need so desperately to get down to my plans for my goa plot n of course my film about my dad...the roller-coaster's still in spin...hopefully will stop soon n i'll be able to get off n do some real work...

delhi in summer i have avoided like plague!...but on a whim, dropped in to say my namaskarums to ramathatha n meekapati...
meanwhile, back in bombay, my sister is hosting an exchange student from belgium for a year...while my nephew readies to fly off to amrika on an exchange...next year, xavier's! :)
also worked on easily the ikkiest show i've ever done for television...moment of truth...never before have i come back home feeling worse about what i've been working on...see it for yourself n tell me what you think...star plus mon to fri 1030pm. or maybe it wasn't as bad as i was making it out to be...maybe just my own state of mind...

saturation!...would i ever be able to quit it all n go do live music lighting design!?!or a commercial bollywood film, perhaps?..

good morning!

spot

class 2A dabba batli matunga! i remember almost all their names!!

pure blisssss!

so it arrived finally yesterday!...my technics 1210mk2...after years of looking!...and i haven't stopped spinning since :) for years, my aunt's western classical lp collection sat in boxes ever since i salvaged them from nagpur...bach beethoven haydn tchaikovsky strauss vivaldi handel...music we woke up to during the christmas break...such a purist she was...berlin philharmonic for her, that too conducted only by karajan!
o to hear them in their analogue beauty...warm, rounded, scratchy n unhurried n most importatntly, uncompressed! of course i was way to young to operate what looked like an immensely complicated piece of rotating machinery...it was the madman who let me...years later...first, to only touch the records n eventually pretty much everything. that i think was my first taste of hifi!...arphi aquarius speakers, soundcraftsmen equaliser...shakti mahavishnu manhattan transfer paul simon eric clapton jean luc ponty ...i remember exactly how it sounded even now...and today, remembering him 25years later n wishing him the sweetest sound of music...

summer's almost over but the drought is not :(

...it's been a torridly hot summer parching my brains dry...barren...desperately waiting for the monsoons to revive them...
the further you travel , the less you know...n even after getting to know, i haven't been able to write all about my israel-palestine trip. project goa languishes meanwhile and my dad film...the less said the better...n the only silver lining is some work end june n july...till then, i'm hoping for an early monsoon :)

my dreamgirl

she tiptoed into my life n pirouetted me away...been smiling ever since...

may it happen for you... this new year :)

Sometimes

Sometimes, things don’t go after all,
from bad to worse. Some years, muscadel
faces down frost; green thrives; the crops don’t fail,
sometimes a man aims high, and all goes well.

A people will sometimes step back from war;
elect an honest man; decide they care
enough, that they can’t leave some stranger poor.
Some men become what they were born for.

Sometimes our best efforts do not go
amiss; sometimes we do as we meant to.
The sun will sometimes melt a field of sorrow
that seemed hard frozen: may it happen for you.

~ Sheenagh Pugh

mama, they dropped the bomb...so many!

...to all the bigots out there...kabir's got something for you...
"Where do you search me?
I am with you
Not in pilgrimage, nor in icons
Neither in solitudes
Not in temples, nor in mosques
Neither in Kaba nor in Kailash
I am with you o man
I am with you
Not in prayers, nor in meditation
Neither in fasting
Not in yogic postures
Neither in renunciation
Neither in the vital force nor in the body
Not even in the ethereal space
Neither in the womb of Nature
Not in the breath of the breath
Seek earnestly and discover
In but a moment of search
Says Kabir, Listen with care
Where your faith is, I am there."

good evening!

when? just when will they ever blast off??!!

good morning!

view of the newly thriving "forest" and beyond!

i have seen the light!

"No!" interrupted Owl,
who was wise. "I have good eye-sight, insight, and foresight. How could an
intelligent hare make such a silly mistake?" But all this time, Owl had been
sitting on the fence, scowling!..."
i'm kinda slow...very slow...sometimes when you divide 4 by 2 you don't necessarily get half...cheers to the next one fourth ;)

here today there tomorrow!

what a month it has been...one weekend in delhi, the next in amba with the family, following weekend in goa...phew!...and if that wasn't enough, the guys at paanchvi pass decided to shoot the grand finale tomorrow, so i flew in back to bombay n fly back day after...dimaag ka toh poora dahi :)

untitled

Sitting there slightly bent at his usual place at the table, he stares deep into the mosaic floor. These things are all transient, he says to me without looking up…after rattling off some figure in crores. His memory hazy… he recalls with so much pride the flat he bought way back in the early 70’s. After a full life, he now contemplates losing the last one big thing that was his…that had HIS name!

The world’s a blur around him now as his family whizzes in n out anxiously salvaging all that remains – memories, fragments, furniture, heritage, photographs, sarees, more memories. I don’t pick up anything…nothing here in mine…instead, I pick up moments…fractions really. Faces... in extreme close up…eyes, fingers, an outstretched hand…dust, light, shadow…over a hundred in one day! I surprise myself.

A smile breaks through…eyes moisten…laughter bounces off the bare walls…i move from room to room, face to face…the fragile soul slowly revealing…diving deeper. An email from afar ruptures the cracks, the floodgates burst open… I still don’t have the nerve “to make the final cut”!

da car!...me??!!

so that's mah new ol baby!...a friends' treasured 'keep' recently bethroed to me...a fiat sienna circa2000...a lot more than i had ever wanted...not that i wanted a car to start with, but that's another story. now that i have it, better i learn to drive it...n exactly what i've been doing this month...finally mustered enough guts to drive it to the studio today...license should happen next week...a lpg gas tank next...n a road trip to goa by n by!!

learning on a santro n aspiring to drive a sienna is a huge jump. this one's just so huge n powerful...kinda keep hoping i won't be the next mac alister;) but good fun! i think i can get used to it...quite like i got used to the ac in summer however big my moral pangings...

but you know my worst fear?- that i'll simply leave the car in a jam n walk away! wanna ride anyone?!

sai baba twin towers!

...inviting me n inciting me to fly right thru them...

learning to drive!

mee??!! yup...8 sessions done n i can start, stop, drive in 3rd gear and reverse!!...a weird way to start your day tho'...but kinda relaxing. i often wondered how so many of my friends found driving relaxing...while i could only think of it as extremely stressful. but it's ok...learning on a santro hoping to graduate to a sienna!...
my instructor from jaunpur was v sleepy this morn...ate some gutka, turned to me, "kya aap khaatey hai kya?" n went on to tell me about life back home n how he's left his kheti-ka-kaam n come to bombay n how he's going to get his brother too. hope that thakeray goon ain't reading this.
back home, quickly bath, breaka n off to filmcity on my bicycle, of course!!...racing downslope outside the studio last night, i realised my bike woudn't stop dead even if i pressed my brakes all the way...phew!...got to slow down n lose some weight that propels me even faster down ;)

you are here!

happy easter!

the storm's abated
the dark clouds dissipating
the sea a lot calmer
n the light divine!
...(so what if it took me a lot more than 3 days ;)
what a fab way to end a weekend full of celebration! have a wonderful easter!