1921-2011
may his soul rest in peace
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
one cold january morning...
i'd have slept off through the more rigorous daagar brothers...but the moment pt bhimsen inhaled his first lungful to launch whatever the raag it was...that first intonation seemed to travel straight to me in that hallowed quadrangle. gently lifting me from my slumber and into complete entrallment. miyan ki todi, bhimpalasi, puriya dhanashri, multani... didn't make much sense to me then but it simply didn't matter. i was hooked! it was only much later that i learnt that kirana was also a gharana!
he'd sing well past the magical sunrise and we'd applaud and applaud and he'd simply join his palms and bow and shuffle off the stage. i'd turn around to birthday wishes and hugs...and go home beaming ear to ear. the goencho had been corrupted...and happily so :)
as sadanand menon says in the beginning of his obit "may his voice continue to wake us up and keep us alive for generations".
Saturday, August 07, 2010
green
Archaic green colours time. Passing centuries are evergreen. To mauve belongs a decade. Red explodes and consumes itself. Blue is infinite. Green clothes the earth in tranquility, ebbs and flows with the seasons. In it is the hope of Resurrection. we feel green has more shades than any other colour...
- Derek Jarman in Chroma
Green is the colour which exists in narratives...it always returns. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence! :)
Monday, July 12, 2010
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
the cup half full!
midway into the year, a sense of urgency creeping in to complete things/projects i had abandoned to other quests...yesterdays israeli attack on the gaza aid ships increases my resolve to work on that conflict. i've been trashing my hands around in the deep end without getting anywhere. joe saco is a welcome relief. his footnotes in gaza is just the o2 burst i needed. his very keen eye following his journalistic nose as he gets to the bottom of two footnotes in the conflict's history. over fifty years later, not much has changed on ground there...and that feels depressing...very depressing...how much longer can we watch helpless from the sidelines? closer home, kashmir strangely seems as far :( such beautiful places reduced to rubble, halal-ed out of existence...almost.
there's a story about two guys in jerusalem - one, an arab taxi driver and the other a jewish american ex-harvard professor. over the last two n half years they've been trying to find peace in the region by organising education/peace workshops for teachers and students from both sides. but what do i have to offer save document their effort? how lame!...is it just a simple story of hope in these seemingly bleak times? is that enough? what does the land of gandhi and the buddha have to offer?
elsewhere, the wall...the concrete barrier amplifies all that is wrong...it is not just physical...and i want to express the sense of isolation, the enormity, the desperation, the inequality, the rigidity of mindsets...in one continuous loop...
there's a story about two guys in jerusalem - one, an arab taxi driver and the other a jewish american ex-harvard professor. over the last two n half years they've been trying to find peace in the region by organising education/peace workshops for teachers and students from both sides. but what do i have to offer save document their effort? how lame!...is it just a simple story of hope in these seemingly bleak times? is that enough? what does the land of gandhi and the buddha have to offer?
elsewhere, the wall...the concrete barrier amplifies all that is wrong...it is not just physical...and i want to express the sense of isolation, the enormity, the desperation, the inequality, the rigidity of mindsets...in one continuous loop...
Sunday, May 30, 2010
i am the dam
...the tallest, biggest dam in the world...holding back an enormous reservoir of water. pristine n placid full of the most beautiful fish n plant life. a giant lake you'd want to go boating on amidst the verdant valley that surrounds me.
i am suddenly also the water that had submerged vast swathes of thick rainforest and even snuffed out entire villages and scores of people. it is dark n murky down here, i thrash about to get out...that's when the dam bursts n i surge over. rumbling down those immense high walls with such force that i am this white frothing bubbly...powering up turbines and filling up hundreds of canals.
these canals fan out through parched dry cracked brown earth and as i flow through, a carpet of lush green keeps sprouting...greeen endless green...
i am suddenly also the water that had submerged vast swathes of thick rainforest and even snuffed out entire villages and scores of people. it is dark n murky down here, i thrash about to get out...that's when the dam bursts n i surge over. rumbling down those immense high walls with such force that i am this white frothing bubbly...powering up turbines and filling up hundreds of canals.
these canals fan out through parched dry cracked brown earth and as i flow through, a carpet of lush green keeps sprouting...greeen endless green...
Friday, January 08, 2010
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
kafka in goa!
the undergrowth had gotten thicker n the clearing took a lot longer with more labour...the babus threw some more paperwork at me...but what's new?! c'est goa!!...but what does one do about the undergrowth in the mind that's getting denser n thicker?! stuckness reigns on my dad film front n not much else happening on the work front either...a good time to experiment one might think...but but but...am most excited about the spot we finalised to build...diagonally up across the plot facing northwest looking over the treetops all the way west to the sea!...
the labour situation being what it is in goa, every now n then, i feel i should just get a truckload of "ghantis" n do whatever it takes...but each time i go with the slow, steady, sometimes lazy local labour...so what if they work only from 8 to 11 and then 2 to 5...they're a mine of knowledge n folklore...there's this huge anthill just about bordering the "spot"...and they insisted that is what made it "not a good place" to build...i mean, what the hell, it's just a anthill after all...but nay, the king dwells therein n it is his place!...they tried reasoning with me but that much konkani i could not comprehend...turns out that there'd be a king cobra in that anthill and i'd have to appease him first with prayer n offerings before i embark on busting his home :) you live n you learn n i've been learning tons here...about dog ticks, about kingfishers, about which caterpillar results in which butterfly!...about how little one actually needs to get by...about how we fill our lives with so much distraction...
i try to generate as little garbage as i can...this time i trumped the last with just one small bag after a week!...and just 2 half blocks of ice over 7 days for all my chilling needs (beer mostly ;)...but so much around is already changing along the quiet road that winds up from handka to the plot...two apartment blocks, two row house projects, two fancy restaurants tucked deep near the local spring...the spring i was looking to do the summer workshop around...
it's the beginning of the season n there was a lot happening... stalin's dalit film played at the snooty new goa centre for the arts. up in altinho, my guess is that it's gonna be lost in the heady mist of ysl n channel, inert n out of bounds to those who'd really benefit from a space like this. a brazilian jazz concert got washed out by that bitch phyan....o but such awesome lightning and thunder!...madness tho, this climate change is showing up too often now...then there was the nsd repertory ka festival at this huge 800seater in margao...i went for 'kafka ek adhyay'...a hundred of us looked apologetic in that giant space. cellphones rang n calls were taken right thru :( an energetic performance it was combining video to cut betw archive n story. but waltzes, corsets, vienna didn't sit well in hindi, me felt...
lost my train of thought :(
the labour situation being what it is in goa, every now n then, i feel i should just get a truckload of "ghantis" n do whatever it takes...but each time i go with the slow, steady, sometimes lazy local labour...so what if they work only from 8 to 11 and then 2 to 5...they're a mine of knowledge n folklore...there's this huge anthill just about bordering the "spot"...and they insisted that is what made it "not a good place" to build...i mean, what the hell, it's just a anthill after all...but nay, the king dwells therein n it is his place!...they tried reasoning with me but that much konkani i could not comprehend...turns out that there'd be a king cobra in that anthill and i'd have to appease him first with prayer n offerings before i embark on busting his home :) you live n you learn n i've been learning tons here...about dog ticks, about kingfishers, about which caterpillar results in which butterfly!...about how little one actually needs to get by...about how we fill our lives with so much distraction...
i try to generate as little garbage as i can...this time i trumped the last with just one small bag after a week!...and just 2 half blocks of ice over 7 days for all my chilling needs (beer mostly ;)...but so much around is already changing along the quiet road that winds up from handka to the plot...two apartment blocks, two row house projects, two fancy restaurants tucked deep near the local spring...the spring i was looking to do the summer workshop around...
it's the beginning of the season n there was a lot happening... stalin's dalit film played at the snooty new goa centre for the arts. up in altinho, my guess is that it's gonna be lost in the heady mist of ysl n channel, inert n out of bounds to those who'd really benefit from a space like this. a brazilian jazz concert got washed out by that bitch phyan....o but such awesome lightning and thunder!...madness tho, this climate change is showing up too often now...then there was the nsd repertory ka festival at this huge 800seater in margao...i went for 'kafka ek adhyay'...a hundred of us looked apologetic in that giant space. cellphones rang n calls were taken right thru :( an energetic performance it was combining video to cut betw archive n story. but waltzes, corsets, vienna didn't sit well in hindi, me felt...
lost my train of thought :(
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
yoga music film!
...i might as give up this blog, i remind myself each time i don't feel like writing...but then sometimes it all comes together...like this tuesday morning when the day ahead beckons brimming with energy!...
it's been over a month now of yoga n i never thought i'd last :) but it is such a good achy feeling after an hour of being put thru the blender!...so what if i still don't know the names of the asanas jawahar sir puts us thru...so what if my toes still don't touch the ground (let alone the entire palms!)...but man, yoga certainly reaches parts that other beers don't :) "your kidneys are coming in the way", he screams at me, eyes locked like heat-seeking missiles...fuck that hurt...never imagined i'd feel so hungry after.
last week, i began attending a weekly western classical music appreciation workshop at ncpa. riding high on beethoven's ninth, i signed up...who'd have imagined that the little theatre would be spilling over with young n old enthusiasts...i mean, they clocked a hundred n thirty participants! all surrendering to zane dalal's bewitching sweep of a thousand years of history...brilliantly presented with perfect references to the architecture of each age to illustrate music...they even pulled out two pairs of high-end speakers for the workshop! now to arrange my aunt's record collection composer-wise n go thru them one by one...hmmm perhaps even start a western classical lp listening club...say?!
and then there are films!...mami - never mind the acronym, slated to be better than usual with mostly 2009 releases at fun republic in andheri...what hits you at first is the complete corporatisation of film festivals. it's all about marketing n sheer visibility of the sponsors. in this case 'reliance'...we're still willynilly contributing to 'papa's sapna' ;) so what if the projection sucks, so what if they don't provide drinking water, so what if improper earthing makes ear-splitting crackle n so what if wannabe rj's are thrust upon us...you grin n bear it n hope to catch at least a couple of really good films...so far, winterbottom's 'genova' and soderberg's 'the girlfriend experience' have been good...
it's been over a month now of yoga n i never thought i'd last :) but it is such a good achy feeling after an hour of being put thru the blender!...so what if i still don't know the names of the asanas jawahar sir puts us thru...so what if my toes still don't touch the ground (let alone the entire palms!)...but man, yoga certainly reaches parts that other beers don't :) "your kidneys are coming in the way", he screams at me, eyes locked like heat-seeking missiles...fuck that hurt...never imagined i'd feel so hungry after.
last week, i began attending a weekly western classical music appreciation workshop at ncpa. riding high on beethoven's ninth, i signed up...who'd have imagined that the little theatre would be spilling over with young n old enthusiasts...i mean, they clocked a hundred n thirty participants! all surrendering to zane dalal's bewitching sweep of a thousand years of history...brilliantly presented with perfect references to the architecture of each age to illustrate music...they even pulled out two pairs of high-end speakers for the workshop! now to arrange my aunt's record collection composer-wise n go thru them one by one...hmmm perhaps even start a western classical lp listening club...say?!
and then there are films!...mami - never mind the acronym, slated to be better than usual with mostly 2009 releases at fun republic in andheri...what hits you at first is the complete corporatisation of film festivals. it's all about marketing n sheer visibility of the sponsors. in this case 'reliance'...we're still willynilly contributing to 'papa's sapna' ;) so what if the projection sucks, so what if they don't provide drinking water, so what if improper earthing makes ear-splitting crackle n so what if wannabe rj's are thrust upon us...you grin n bear it n hope to catch at least a couple of really good films...so far, winterbottom's 'genova' and soderberg's 'the girlfriend experience' have been good...
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
spellbound in spiti! - chotta dhara
rajkumar the guestkeeper agreed to put us up for 250per person incl dinner n chai...basic room with blankets n attached bath toilet...couldn't have asked for more in this spectacular location
nestled deep in a wide valley with the enormous chandra-bhaga ranges on both sides, the pwd guest house at chotta dhara looked miniscule. as day slowly turned to dark, a veritable magic show had begun!
sunset was obscured by clouds but then it cleared n the night sky was so thickly crowded like i've never seen before...spotted two satellites in 2minutes!!...
and then this huge blazing cool moon rose with jupiter for company sans it's moons! shivering cold but what an incredile sight to see the entire valley light up...talk about images being imprinted in one's mind!
goodnight!
we left early the next morning for chandra tal but not before almost kissing my dear friend goodbye!...he'd adopted us for the brief time we were there :)
we stopped ahead to take pics of the glacier after which this lil place is named...my first glacier!
nestled deep in a wide valley with the enormous chandra-bhaga ranges on both sides, the pwd guest house at chotta dhara looked miniscule. as day slowly turned to dark, a veritable magic show had begun!
sunset was obscured by clouds but then it cleared n the night sky was so thickly crowded like i've never seen before...spotted two satellites in 2minutes!!...
and then this huge blazing cool moon rose with jupiter for company sans it's moons! shivering cold but what an incredile sight to see the entire valley light up...talk about images being imprinted in one's mind!
goodnight!we left early the next morning for chandra tal but not before almost kissing my dear friend goodbye!...he'd adopted us for the brief time we were there :)
we stopped ahead to take pics of the glacier after which this lil place is named...my first glacier!
Monday, September 28, 2009
spellbound in spiti! - rohtang to chotta dhara
much of the conversation over that fab jap dinner was planning our trip, esp the drive to spiti...the plan was to stop over either at batal, which is almost halfway or at chotta dhara, just before batal. the choice was between a basic pwd guest house at chotta d or shacking up at a dhabba in your sleeping bag@batal! 
gramphu comes 85km from manali - the junction where one road turns southeast towards spiti n the other continues up to ladakh. we stopped here for a hearty meal of deep fried aloo parathas! hardly 14kms into the lahaul valley and the greenery has all but disappeared...no tall deodhars n other evergreen pines...just a few scrubs n v little grass.
the air feels colder n the sun drier...the road is almost non existant, just a mud n gravel path that forces our qualis to15kmph at the fastest...but there's no hurrying about, no 8.09 fast to catch...it is amazing how everything here slows you down to sanity...we're moving now beyond the central himalayan range to the greater himalayan range...
the pwd guest house at chotta dhara appeared out of nowhere...3huts dwarfed deep into the valley. of course, we didn't have prior permission or booking but hardly anyone ventures into these parts n of course, there's room for us...it must've been around 5pm when we got here...in time for chai n sunset!
gramphu comes 85km from manali - the junction where one road turns southeast towards spiti n the other continues up to ladakh. we stopped here for a hearty meal of deep fried aloo parathas! hardly 14kms into the lahaul valley and the greenery has all but disappeared...no tall deodhars n other evergreen pines...just a few scrubs n v little grass.
the air feels colder n the sun drier...the road is almost non existant, just a mud n gravel path that forces our qualis to15kmph at the fastest...but there's no hurrying about, no 8.09 fast to catch...it is amazing how everything here slows you down to sanity...we're moving now beyond the central himalayan range to the greater himalayan range...
the pwd guest house at chotta dhara appeared out of nowhere...3huts dwarfed deep into the valley. of course, we didn't have prior permission or booking but hardly anyone ventures into these parts n of course, there's room for us...it must've been around 5pm when we got here...in time for chai n sunset!
spellbound in spiti! - manali to rohtang
so it was over that absolutely super jap dinner that we decided to hire a jeep to spiti instead of taking the direct 15hr bone-rattling bus...this way we'd get to be on our own, stop wherever we felt like, choose our pace n most importantly, be able to go up to the magical chandra tal...the next day it pissed down like it does in bombay n the big joke around town was that these bumbaiyas have brought crazy amounts of rain with them...not funny at all, we weren't able to go around manali or walk up to the vashist springs :(
so cafe phuntsook once again provided much solace with her consistent roasties...grated boiled potatoes, extravagant amounts of grated cheese n garlic and stuffing of either spinach, tuna or chicken!...yummm...got to crack how to make this at home. mercifully, it didn't rain at night n we left the next morning. 
manali to spiti is a mere 200kms...but nothing could've prepared us for the mind-boggling continuously changing landscape. but more about that later...the take2 drive up was completely different from our earlier trip up...it had rained, the roads were a mess n there were more delays...
it was around this time that sur called from bombay in panic...the road from keylong to baralach-la has been closed thanks to heavy snowfall, hundreds of tourists have been stranded, so guys, pls don't go! luckily for us, we need to turn right before keylong n the road there is open...more delays?
but it hardly mattered this time round...we didn't have to reach anywhere at any particular time...we had just begun our journey!...it reminded me somehow of robert pirsig's 'zen and the art of motorcycle maintanence'..."and what is good, phaedrus, and what is not good - need we ask anyone to tell us these things?"
fresh snow!...of course!! wow! so much of it...just the other day it was all dry n barren...amazing!...
once again steered clear of the honeymooner hordes went ahead n went berserk into the snow!...but right up at the pass, bihari labour!!
i mean, far from the bowels of their coalmines, here they were in sub-zero temperatures, eating their sabzi-roti unmindful of the apparent incongruence...we drive on, our driver -naresh, patiently stopping for photos...like this one
it is bad enough doing it on motorbikes, but we encountered couples on bicycles on roads like these!! riding all the way from shimla to spiti to ladakh! loco! complete madness! moments after i took this pic, the guy skidded n i ran to help him up n pushed him back onto the road...from here on, we had the river chandra for company all through the lahaul valley.
so cafe phuntsook once again provided much solace with her consistent roasties...grated boiled potatoes, extravagant amounts of grated cheese n garlic and stuffing of either spinach, tuna or chicken!...yummm...got to crack how to make this at home. mercifully, it didn't rain at night n we left the next morning. 
manali to spiti is a mere 200kms...but nothing could've prepared us for the mind-boggling continuously changing landscape. but more about that later...the take2 drive up was completely different from our earlier trip up...it had rained, the roads were a mess n there were more delays...
it was around this time that sur called from bombay in panic...the road from keylong to baralach-la has been closed thanks to heavy snowfall, hundreds of tourists have been stranded, so guys, pls don't go! luckily for us, we need to turn right before keylong n the road there is open...more delays?but it hardly mattered this time round...we didn't have to reach anywhere at any particular time...we had just begun our journey!...it reminded me somehow of robert pirsig's 'zen and the art of motorcycle maintanence'..."and what is good, phaedrus, and what is not good - need we ask anyone to tell us these things?"
fresh snow!...of course!! wow! so much of it...just the other day it was all dry n barren...amazing!...
once again steered clear of the honeymooner hordes went ahead n went berserk into the snow!...but right up at the pass, bihari labour!!
i mean, far from the bowels of their coalmines, here they were in sub-zero temperatures, eating their sabzi-roti unmindful of the apparent incongruence...we drive on, our driver -naresh, patiently stopping for photos...like this one
it is bad enough doing it on motorbikes, but we encountered couples on bicycles on roads like these!! riding all the way from shimla to spiti to ladakh! loco! complete madness! moments after i took this pic, the guy skidded n i ran to help him up n pushed him back onto the road...from here on, we had the river chandra for company all through the lahaul valley.
spellbound in spiti!!! - manalii
angmo!
after an authentic japanese dinner in vashist complete with sushi(!!) it was 2nhalf yr old angmo who took a group pic of the 6of us!! she's totally obsessed about taking pics n no, no toy cam for her...she'd click incessantly n dive to you asking, "theek hai?" what a sweetheart! - half japanese, half pahadi fully adorable :)
after an authentic japanese dinner in vashist complete with sushi(!!) it was 2nhalf yr old angmo who took a group pic of the 6of us!! she's totally obsessed about taking pics n no, no toy cam for her...she'd click incessantly n dive to you asking, "theek hai?" what a sweetheart! - half japanese, half pahadi fully adorable :)
spellbound in spiti!! - manali
..so like i was saying...we decided to do the round trip - enter spiti from manali n return via shimla...that way we get to go thru the kullu valley then lahaul next spiti and finally kinnaur...being able to appreciate the dramatic changes in landscape n drive those bloodcurdling roads!
so back we were at vineet n rimli's absolutely gorgeous home by the beas at vashist...the last time i was here, the mountain tops were all covered with snow n the apple blossoms had just about begun to sprout...this time, luscious red apples shone thru the green...every shade of green...the view from each of their rooms was so fabulous...i kept wondering what the hell am i doing in the city!
their bedroom!
the beas raging swollen with recent rain.
the plan was to spend 3-4 days with them, go up to rohtang-la, walk around, acclimatise...going from 0 mt above mean sea level to 5000 is best done slowly...and given our fantastic levels of fitness ;) imperative! but then, it is never easy going up to rohtang. there's always traffic jams due to perennial road construction, widening or landslide clearing.
so you just sit back n enjoy the views or walk around
a fab day it was, clear skies n strong sun. what should've taken two and a half hours took over 5hrs!! the border road guys are quite amazing...day in n day out toiling to keep the roads open mostly for us n occasionally for the army (or is it the other way round ;) rohtang itself, arrived shrouded in fog crowning a long drive with exhilaration.
but once the fog lifts, the highest parking lot in the world reveals itself! complete with dhabas, yak rides n ski photo ops for honeymooners!...we fled right past n walked towards the lahaul valley overlooking the chandra river...as expected, the altitude kicked in with the heaviness in the head n deep rapid breathing...to acclimatise well they say, climb high but sleep low...we were at 13,000ft! cold crisp n beautiful:)
so back we were at vineet n rimli's absolutely gorgeous home by the beas at vashist...the last time i was here, the mountain tops were all covered with snow n the apple blossoms had just about begun to sprout...this time, luscious red apples shone thru the green...every shade of green...the view from each of their rooms was so fabulous...i kept wondering what the hell am i doing in the city!
their bedroom!
the beas raging swollen with recent rain.the plan was to spend 3-4 days with them, go up to rohtang-la, walk around, acclimatise...going from 0 mt above mean sea level to 5000 is best done slowly...and given our fantastic levels of fitness ;) imperative! but then, it is never easy going up to rohtang. there's always traffic jams due to perennial road construction, widening or landslide clearing.
so you just sit back n enjoy the views or walk around
a fab day it was, clear skies n strong sun. what should've taken two and a half hours took over 5hrs!! the border road guys are quite amazing...day in n day out toiling to keep the roads open mostly for us n occasionally for the army (or is it the other way round ;) rohtang itself, arrived shrouded in fog crowning a long drive with exhilaration.
but once the fog lifts, the highest parking lot in the world reveals itself! complete with dhabas, yak rides n ski photo ops for honeymooners!...we fled right past n walked towards the lahaul valley overlooking the chandra river...as expected, the altitude kicked in with the heaviness in the head n deep rapid breathing...to acclimatise well they say, climb high but sleep low...we were at 13,000ft! cold crisp n beautiful:)
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
spellbound in spiti!
...haven't been writing...haven't felt like for some time now...various reasons...but that's another post...ever heard of spiti? am suprised to learn that very few people know or even heard about spiti...tucked deep inside the twisted himalayas, spiti - the "middle land" lies betw tibet n the indian sub-continent...
while doing geo at xavier's i remember spiti being geologically a very imp site but never imagined i'd ever go there...i mean, for starters it is far, very far...you got to go from bom to del then to manali (like we did) or via shimla then cross two very high passes, go thru the lahaul valley n ONLY then are you in spiti!...no wonder then, that Kipling described it as "this is no place for man".
Friday, August 21, 2009
shine on you crazy patrook!
the worst news in the recent past came this afternoon in the form of a brief email - my cousin, patrick passed on suddenly in london. past 60, he was to have an angio done next month...but i guess there's no need for that now...that bolt from the blue couldn't have struck harder n deeper...he was afterall the guy who introduced me to tull, floyd, salif keita, stevie wonder, mj, etc...painstakingly he'd make tape-to-tape recordings n airmail them to me in these bubblepack brownpaper envelopes...i'd squeal with joy n hug the postman whenever he'd deliver one of those packets...each one labeled on tdk d90s...he'd record live concerts off-air on vhs n send me...and films...derek jarman, one world one voice, peter gabriel...i'd see them so often that the tape wore out n he'd have to make me a new recording...this is before cd's n dvd's...tape.....analog!...and i'd sync the vhs video of peter gabriel's secret world live tour with the cd when i finally got one...and we'd dance to it, blast it...
he died alone n i don't even know how...in a sparse cold state-provided home outside london...on my first trip abroad, he was was the first one to greet me with his huge bear hug n his chinky smile when i got off enroute to miami...he took me home to a hearty meal n we talked our heads off n i nearly missed my connecting flight...
he dreamed of coming back home to goa to his ancestral property in colvale, of having a family...but that was not to be...he came often while things were still good when he had a job n the economy was booming...the proverbial santaclaus!...he even gave me his walkman once before leaving...we were his family he used to say n i now feel we weren't around when he needed us most.
he'd end his letters with love and xxx's - bamboo...how much we wrote each other...almost every week for years...until email came...i'd write less n less to him n started this blog primarily for him to know what i was up to...he'd check EVERYDAY...and i wouldn't have written...
he was the first person i interviewed for my goa pedophila film when he had an organisation 'people against pedophiles abroad' papa...i better stop...fuck , am going to miss him so much...i don't think i've come across a person who gave more n expected so little...
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