journeys

so many lightyears ago i begun working on this film about my dad...so many years it took me to write proposal...i finally wrote one in a desperate attempt to kickmyownass back to the film. i even sent it to docedge - this annual circus where european ringmasters get to crack whip on an assortment of performers. i was thrilled to learn that my proposal was accepted n that i'd have to come to cal to srftii to pitch...er, sell...(you get the drift?)
tired of travelling so far n so often, i decided to train it to cal...the last time i took the train to cal was over 25yrs ago...it still takes thirty hours for the gitanjali to do it...but how much i loved it...realised how much i miss train travel...
where the bodymindsoul gets enough time to leave one place slowly n prepare for the next place...ofcourse, i didn't think so philosophically about it then when i booked the ticket...i just wanted some time to prepare for docedge...read write rewrite sleep eat music read sleep...this pyt trainee airhostess sitting opposite suprisingly wasn't much of a distraction.
i was going thru the newly carved states of chhatisgarh n jharkhand for the first time...stepped off onto the platform n kissed the earth kind of thing ;) things were more or less the same in the compartment...talking poilitics n cricket...sharing chiclet n oranges...but a lot more people on their mobile phones n mp3players...sometimes playing music so loudly, i had to keep pleading with them to turn it off...why don't they just carry earphones?!
nagpur came...and went...but i didn't get off...felt so strange...all my growing up years, we'd take the train to nagpore...the most keenly awaited winter holiday to the family home...that was "native place"...i was born here n so was my dad. aunt no more, house no more, trips no more :( for years when they'd ask me, ajay noronha, are you from goa? i'd say no, nagpore.

25years later...

it's been coming fast n furious...and more often...that feeling of having turned old...really old!...last night, the class of '84 all met up...what a fab idea! don bosco's was dabba batli to the others but that was where we cut our teeth (among other things ;)
that was where i met amal...in class two! like he loves to say - he knew me but i didn't know him!! but twentyfiveyears later, some names n faces camebackinaflash just like it was yesterday...rahul rege, who's mother came to school EVERYDAY with lunch! i even remember her face!...sameera oza, my 10thstd partner i forgot n got roundly abused for that...rajiv bhatia actually came! i had forgotten he even passed the 10th...
most, like me, had grown paunches n lost hair...but not samir shah, piyush majithiya, bhavin shah -
the rich kid in class with the fancy magnetic compass box n whole lead pencils (which i used to steal)...so many gujjus then...so many stockbrokers now! was happiest to meet ashish...we'd dart across the wall when hunger panged to shovel yum tepla n chhunda in the middle of a football game!
anantha had finally grown tall but looked just the same...but nareen was a curious case of benjamin panjabi...jitesh shetty - the school captain is now a very successful make-over doc in lokhandwala...but i missed rohit, his cousin n my partner who'd buy me homi's samosapao almost everyday only because i liked it so much but could not afford it...some things you just cannot "repay"...
but where were baldy, paadhrya, chick, lamb, paper, kaania...n so many others? :(

milk

just stepped out of wacthing gus van sant's 'milk'...tears well n flowed over by the end...a brilliant film - simply told. beautifully shot n lit n what music!!...sean penn...words are just not enough...i mean, he lives his characters...it's not a performance, a 'role'. van sant is a wizard n i want to see more...

a depressing thought passed my mind while peeing after the film...at tonight's oscars, slumdog is going to sweep em all...that's just so fuckall.

travelling februaries!!!

over a thousand years ago, india was truly shining!...a little over 12km away from dahod, a long winding desolate road leads up to this ancient shiv mandir in bavka...





i want this india back!

travellin february!

after that bom-goa-bom rash, it's been a crazy schedule of docu shoots i've been on. first, the northeast - my first time to those parts...shillong and guwahati. a rude start at guwahati, when my camera bag was almost stolen on arrival. very early morning still waking as we stumbled out of slumber n onto the platform...only to discover to our horror that my cam bag was missing. the coach attendant said he saw someone running with a bag, the lady on the platform said the same...deja vu! lighting can't be striking the same place twice, i said, my head in a daze...someone said we should quickly go lodge a complaint...we scurried towards to the foot overbridge...when sur exclaimed, ajay! there your camera bag, pointing forward...lying abandoned right there in the middle of the platform...i couldn't believe it!...took a while for my pounding heart to ease off...not again!
the drive to shillong was beyootiful...dawn breaking over hill n tree as the road snaked upwards while we slipped in n out of sleep. a few kilometers away, we stop...not just us...a long winding cavalcade of buses, jeeps, trucks n cars...stuck...jammed...but no honking...a quiet acceptance. we step out and have our first local breaka - rice with pork n roti with sabzi n this awesome dried prawns ka chutney...some chai n a few pics later, it moved...
el dorado! indeed it was...a quiet refuge from the mayhem of the city...do all cities HAVE to be like this? dirty overcrowded chaotic n noisy? this was the city of lou majow n dylan, pork momos n christ!

maximum hypedog millionaire

i'd been waiting long n eagerly to go watch. avoided the dvd's n downloads...first day second show and thirty minutes into it the disappointment started creeping in. it was the cliches that did it for me - taj mahal, dharavi, dhobi ghat, vt...i mean, of course, it was well shot n edited, etc but left me as cold as the half empty cinema hall. anthony dodd mantle is one of my gods n one of my highpoints last year was meeting him when lighting up the millionaire shoot for them...but i guess when you shoot 2 film n 5 hd cameras rolling all at once, you will have an excessively edited film, right. slick yes but so shallow. the kids who played the middle part were the best...n the music - rahman has done much better stuff in the past...
smells of the beauty pageants thing - need to find new markets, shower them with faux attention. lapped up soo well...first, firang technicians infiltrated the industry, now they're gonna be making our films too! it's gonna take me sometime adjusting to this globalisation where i cannot go shoot in their country but they can come here...even in times when projects/films are being shelved due to "recession" while we sit home write blogs, drink or attend yet another meeting!
of course, it's gonna win a handful of oscars...or course, it's gonna be a blockbuster grosser...right film at the right time, nothing extraordinary. go see but we're not gonna blow an evening talking about it...banned any conversation about it last evening at the party :)

bom-goa-bom-goa-bom

man!...in less than a month i have been more often to goa than i have been to churchgate!!...my brother anil's been kicking my arse to step up my flaccid pace on the learning centre project on the plot at verna. in his inimitable way, we did more than i'd ever imagine...met up with a local architect and a contractor...sought advice, got an idea of costs involved, the permissions required, etc. so hopefully by the next trip, will be able to put in the file n let it take its time.

but such a sense of desperation n hopelessness one gets from talking with the locals...almost like they've given up the fight. makes me wonder why am i even moving there. but now starts the most exciting phase...the dream taking shape. two horizontally displaced hemispheres at differing levels - one the private space n the lower, the public. where the money will come from i have no idea, nor how do i make it financially viable...but i know it will happen...

my dreamgirl

she tiptoed into my life n pirouetted me away...been smiling ever since...

may it happen for you... this new year :)

Sometimes

Sometimes, things don’t go after all,
from bad to worse. Some years, muscadel
faces down frost; green thrives; the crops don’t fail,
sometimes a man aims high, and all goes well.

A people will sometimes step back from war;
elect an honest man; decide they care
enough, that they can’t leave some stranger poor.
Some men become what they were born for.

Sometimes our best efforts do not go
amiss; sometimes we do as we meant to.
The sun will sometimes melt a field of sorrow
that seemed hard frozen: may it happen for you.

~ Sheenagh Pugh

that chooth nandan

are these the people we elect? patil, deshmukh, naqvi n yes, that chooth nandan...slowly but surely we are succumbing to exactly what the terrorists wanted...insecurities of every kind...divisions, war cries, blame games and fear. my good ol friend from another lifetime urges us to look within and address the pain.
today also marked a significant step forward in my own 9/11...even the sky smiled! jupiter, venus n the new crescent moon in perfect conjunction.

wanted

there's another rally on the 4th, at azad maidan, i think...and i've been wanting to get some banners, posters, t-shirts going...actually paint them myself...but been struggling to put out some messages in 2to4 lines. positive messages about love, trust...reminding ourselves about the futility of violence...may be some kabir dohas...but something that goes beyond "enough is enough"...pls to reply with some lines...thanks!

enough is enough

after having spent 3 full days feeling totally impotent, numbed by "breaking news" tv...a few friends n family decided to go to a candle-lit march at marine drive tonight...
but before that, m and s n i went from the taj, to leo's, to nariman house n finally to oberoi's...placing flowers n lighting candles. walking down colaba causeway, it felt like the city had been taken over once again by its citizens...out in huge numbers, curious, shocked, enraged n anguished...i overhear a father firmly telling a journo that he was here with his 6yr old daughter to demonstrate that she should not be scared n that "they" should know that we will not allow them to cow us down. later, at marine drive opp the oberoi, a class 12 boy engages me with the most astute observations he'd arrived at...he angrily denounced the politicians who've "been selling us" n wondered if a year of military rule would help fix things.
as we walk down towards churchgate, a sea of candles greet us...helplessness gives way to empowerment...strength in numbers, belief in self...the posters, banners, slogans all expressing the deep-felt anger towards the politicians.
my mind races on...how do we sustain this energy? it has happened before and it will happen again...alain resnais implored us back in 1959 not to forget...but we are human n we forget easily...what can we do to remember?

do we have to...?

do we absolutely have to know everything NOW?...in whatever unintelligible incoherent idiotic way it is being presented. do we have to thrust cameras n microphones into bleeding faces or tired exhausted souls? can't we stand back for just one time and acknowledge just once that the other is human with feelings and has a right to privacy? what is it about having a camera, being "press" that gives me the supercilious belief that i can commit this violation for the greater common good? and do we have to scream...and scream louder than the others like in a fish market auction...look i've got a better bigger catch...exclusive!

is this what we are to leave as textbooks for the next generation? to excel burkha dutt's faux pas'? as someone who's been teaching wannabe mediapersons, i share the blame...and take it as a new challenge...there's so many lessons to be learnt from the last 3days in bombay...can i be part of the healing? and how?

do you believe in india?

do you believe in the idea of india? of the unity in diversity, of religious tolerance, of freedom, democracy, plurality, of whatever else it is that you hold dear about india...stand up n be counted...enough is enough! such a complete failure by the state to protect it's people...utter disarray n chaos i have never seen. the guardians should be hanging their heads in shame...no, not the nsg, armed forces, etc but our super-pampered thick skinned shameless politicians. off with that wimp home minister, off with the cm... if there has been an intelligence failure, it is only because we've alienated the community so much that we've killed the very sources who'd tip us off otherwise...did we have to lose our 3 top guys in less than 30mins?

after spending most of last night trying to make sense of the unfolding mayhem n pacifying anxious relatives across the globe,..by the morning anger had seeped in...i felt so angry that it took them over 9hrs to send the nsg in n that too after day break and even as i write, almost 20hrs later they are no where near securing the 3 locations under attack.
i took the train down to vt this morning to donate blood at st george hospital...in a desperate attempt to "do something positive". the trains were up n running...empty. the otherwise bustling churchgate station deserted...i walk gaping around the silence as if in some funk...reality hits home at the hospital gates. army, police, ambulance sirens, blackboard list of the dead, worried-sick relatives...more dead bodies being brought in...stoically i join the long line to donate...there must've been another 60 of us. dentistry students volunteering thru the night...my pouch filled, i walk back down thru the hospital thru the ground floor open morgue...more cops, more tourists, more worried relatives...still more bodies coming in.

i step out into the glare n heat...into a city barren at noon. walk across to vt station...become one of the "terror tourists" - everyone pointing for the newly arrived, " there, see that bullet mark on the wall...and over there on the column, n there up shattering that glass, n there the broken indicator."...struggling hard to keep the numbing feeling growing...i began to speak to some railway protection force jawans...pathetic n heart-rending...this guy had lost 3 of his colleagues in last night's gun-shower. all he had was a fibreglass lathi. even if they carry a gun/rifle, he informs me, they are not allowed to carry ammo. if they do carry ammo, they are instructed - one bullet, one man dead wanted! better not to carry a gun, sir, he trails off...

i hurry out n hail a cab to the taj...my heart's been bleeding seeing those images of the top floor of the old taj burn. i mean, it's not about being the most expensive suites in the country, it's our heritage, history being burned. those suites played host to the biggest and the best...heads of state, jazz greats, hollywood stars, fashion czars, sportspersons...you name em all. by the time i go there, most of the top floor was ash...smoke still billowing out...my heart just crumbled. more anger...more desperation...did someone ask, what next - "secular terrorism"? am seriously considering it...

clearing cobwebs

the cobwebs grew thick n fast over the last year...obscuring any trace of progress i had made on my dad's film. on sunday, while dusting some debris off my head (not my brain, pls note;) i realised that it was exactly a year ago i had begun writing a proposal for docedge. the coincidence was eerie but significant...significant enough to want to get back to it...i hadn't shot a frame nor written a single word...some said it would happen when it happens...whatever that means...but all i know it's back on my radar, a faint blip albeit...but hopefully the venus jupiter conjunction will ignite it back to life :)
working title: in the name of the father (o how original!). gtkd - getting to know dad (cuteseely yuckk!) so help me god

dostaana & dasvidanya - such extremes!

just had to watch these two films and am glad i did...dostaana was a friend's first film as production designer and dasvidanya another friend's first film...dostaana starts off with these languorous body-caressing shots of john abraham, usually reserved for the female of the species...down to his skimpiest lil undie pulled down...nervous giggles around the almost housefull sets the tone of what was to follow...what starts off as a comedy drags miserably in the second half...wafer thin script that goes nowhere. i slept off somewhere in the second half n was rudely awakened by the very loud "gay gay" song...i mean, trust kjo to push the envelope but hopefully he'll inspire more meaningful scripts where homosexuality is as natural n common place...o that priyanka is so hot ;)
dasvidanya was such a contrast! none of the kjo ott-ness, no media blitzkrieg, no big star line-up...just a hugely big heart. and vinay pathak!...carries the film single-handedly with such ease n confidence...how do actors become producers? to showcase themselves? a simple enough script reminds one of the bucket list ...but not cancer for god's sake! i liked the slow deliberate-ness of the film...but save vinay's role the others were terrible caricatures - the deaf tv serial stuck mum, the fat slobbering over food boss. rajat as best friend seems wasted...but all-in-all a nice feel good film modestly told. Go watch!

time to pull out the telescope!

The two brightest planets, Venus and Jupiter, are set to unite and light up the November sky.
The two planets will continue to get closer and closer to each other the more the month of November goes on.
As the month goes on though, it is believed that they are only going to be around 2 degrees apart.
This means that they will be coming together to create quite a light show up in space.
Venus will be setting at anywhere from 8 p.m. to 9 p.m. throughout November, while Jupiter will be setting around 10 p.m. at the start of the month, and end at around 9 p.m. by the month’s end.

wonder if they'll be close enough to fill the frame together...o what joy that would be!

mcrc lighting workshop

i couldn't believe my ears/eyes when some weeks back, i get this email from jamia mcrc asking me if i'd be free n willing to do a week-long lighting workshop...i mean, it was what, 15yrs since i graduated from there. never felt particularly good about the place, held some grudges...but was secretly thrilled that they wanted to do something like this. we never had anything like this when i was studying there. whatever we learnt n did was often despite the faculty there...but yes, the resources we had n the access to equipment was unrivalled....
i didn't take much time to think n almost immediately said yes. no shoots happening. i had done a lighting workshop at sristi earlier this year. ended up being most intense but very satisfying. but 50 students!!! daunting, to say the least...we were a mere 27 in comparasion. they'd fly me down, put me up in the guest house n even pay me...nice, i thought!
i had been there just once since passing out...but now, as i walked in, an overwhelming sense of decay greeted me...i dunno what it was at first...it seemed stuck in time n we had moved on...gotten worse as we got better. it bothered me but only increased my resolve to enjoy myself n get the students to have a fun time learning. very dull they seemed blinkered by their tv news presenter aspirations. what could i do to change that, i pondered...
in these many years of teaching, i've often been asked, "so how's this batch?"...i never know what to say which would be a suitable response to some expectation...i'd like to think of each group of students quite like the other. soft moist clay on a potter's wheel...tho i never thought of myself as ajay kumbhar!...we just dived in together into the deep end, splashed around, swallowed some water occasionally but came out on top, mostly.
enjoyed it immensely...tho the numbers did make it exhausting this time. i tried my best to dissuade them from coming to class. all will be marked present, everything is optional...but nothing worked...day after day, session after session, they'd be there like good dry sponges...soaking it all in. even at 6am on a cold misty winter morning! to look at available light...and till 830 at night to watch the evening film.
i'd meet friends over dinner, classmates too who're teaching...and we'd crib endlessly about the abysmal quality of students these days...yes, we too were one n twenty once upon a time, but then, our seniors said the same disparaging things about us too, remember? it seems to be a universal phenomenon...to the problem seems to lie with us, not them. the onus is on us. yes, they don't read the newspapers, nor watch movies, are lazy lumps of undeserving @#$&...we rant on...this is exactly what drives me...to figure how to make a connection...figure what their pre-occupations are...
they spent an entire day realising the one situation they had scripted in order to evoke a particular "mood or feeling"...what a day it was!...i hardly spoke...they experimented, slogged, skipped lunch n by the evening shared their work nervously but excitedly like it was their first film! later they told me they'd never experienced anything like this here...i've been smiling very widely since ;)

bombay to goa my first drive

six months ago i learned how to drive rather reluctantly...hated the idea of driving in bombay's manic traffic...but that drive to taleigaon on the bom-pune expressway changed all that. goa began to appear in the horizon of my fledgling car ambitions. sent my baby for a complete overhaul n had her ready just the day before we were to leave. meanwhile, i had already figured that a full tank of lpg n a full tank of petrol would take me over 750kms! goa was well within!
we - my sister mira n her friends in their car - set off early on 31st morning. we'd decided to do it nice n easy considering this was my first time. no way was i going to do it in one go. so we planned an overnight stop at tarkarli about 540km away!
i'd always dreamed of this - to be able to stop enroute n take in those gorgeous sights which one is unable to do while in a bus or train. my fiat sienna was as happy as me to be get out of the city, open up the throttle n zip down the straights at 110kmph! but it was those vedi vaakdi valuns that pounded the heart while mira grabbed the door handle firmly trying to calm her nerves.
such fun it was, tho not so much fun when one maniacal bus driver wanted to overtake a trailer down a hairpin bend as i was revving up-ghat. many gaalis later, we continued...phew! lunch at sangameshwar, powernap n off were went. now, tarkarli was futher than i had imagined...light was fading fast n i was growing increasinly uneasy. mercifully, the turn off to tarkarli came soon afterdark...those blinding headlights totally suck!
crawled into bed exhausted n woke up eaarly to this fab mtdc resort on the beach at tarkarli...cool, clean n desolate. such bliss!... walking down the beach, in the distance there seemed to be much excitement. the seagulls were going crazy, women n children were seen filling their plastic bags while the men hauled in a mountain of tarlas...i mean, two trucks weren't enough to take this mornings bounty away!
back on the road, we decided to ditch nh17 n go down the sagari mahamarg up to vengurla n then on to the mangeshi calgutkar mandir at assnora in north goa - amol's family ka presiding deity. so many lifetimes ago, the temple chief priest had a dream that the christians were going to be coming so take her inland to save her. that explained why calangute-kars came to assnora...
the short drive to verna was uneventful...but i felt weird to be driving in goa...complete disbelief!...no scramble to hire a kinetic, no manoj to call for a pick-up, no thumbing a lift...it felt rather nice, in fact ;)

...and very happy dipawali to you!

hope this diwali lights up and brings you lots of cheer