shine on you crazy patrook!

the worst news in the recent past came this afternoon in the form of a brief email - my cousin, patrick passed on suddenly in london. past 60, he was to have an angio done next month...but i guess there's no need for that now...that bolt from the blue couldn't have struck harder n deeper...he was afterall the guy who introduced me to tull, floyd, salif keita, stevie wonder, mj, etc...painstakingly he'd make tape-to-tape recordings n airmail them to me in these bubblepack brownpaper envelopes...i'd squeal with joy n hug the postman whenever he'd deliver one of those packets...each one labeled on tdk d90s...he'd record live concerts off-air on vhs n send me...and films...derek jarman, one world one voice, peter gabriel...i'd see them so often that the tape wore out n he'd have to make me a new recording...this is before cd's n dvd's...tape.....analog!...and i'd sync the vhs video of peter gabriel's secret world live tour with the cd when i finally got one...and we'd dance to it, blast it...
he died alone n i don't even know how...in a sparse cold state-provided home outside london...on my first trip abroad, he was was the first one to greet me with his huge bear hug n his chinky smile when i got off enroute to miami...he took me home to a hearty meal n we talked our heads off n i nearly missed my connecting flight...
he dreamed of coming back home to goa to his ancestral property in colvale, of having a family...but that was not to be...he came often while things were still good when he had a job n the economy was booming...the proverbial santaclaus!...he even gave me his walkman once before leaving...we were his family he used to say n i now feel we weren't around when he needed us most.
he'd end his letters with love and xxx's - bamboo...how much we wrote each other...almost every week for years...until email came...i'd write less n less to him n started this blog primarily for him to know what i was up to...he'd check EVERYDAY...and i wouldn't have written...
he was the first person i interviewed for my goa pedophila film when he had an organisation 'people against pedophiles abroad' papa...i better stop...fuck , am going to miss him so much...i don't think i've come across a person who gave more n expected so little...