write/don't write

...i've been meaning to write, but also don't want to write...scared of committing to words what i don't want to remember. want so hard to forget what happened on the night of the 26th...when past-life whizzed by in flashes...in seconds i was staring at the blackest black...either i tip over into the precipice or walk away "cleanst". the fever raged at a hundred n two...while sleep eluded me...my second half life had begun...